Hey Honey…
Congratulations if this is your first time here. :) I hope you are enjoying this beautiful Memorial Day weekend with family and friends. Thank you to those that gave their lives in total service for this country.
I felt the need to write this blog because of course I am a newer doula with relatable experiences but I figure the experiences I come across with my own families maybe useful for you in planning for your upcoming birth.
First, let's stop and think, have have you thought about IF you'll call people and inform them when your labor begins? Or if you're like many of my honeys the pressure is on you as to who will actually be there in the room when you birth your babee.
So let's talk about it! Who's coming to your birth? If you're expecting a babee any day now I'm sure this has crosssed your mind multiple times. In fact, a lot of honeys are still figuring this out as late as the week of delivery.
Honey.... you don't owe anyone a spot in the birthing room nor do you owe anyone an update on any portion of your labor. Matter of fact consider "hush" might be the word when your big day comes.
The pressure to perform and just "have this babee" will be heavy with people that don't understand childbirth including the hospital staff. I can’t express it enough. The less folks know the better off you may be. Them folks finna bug you for your whole entire labor until they see the babee!!
Birth planning is taking into consideration the type of emotions that are in your circle. What are your friends like? Are they cool and calm? The fun friend-- can they be the one you need for support or are they better suited for postpartum support or the listening ear? Have they seen you with no pants on? Will they tell you to put pants on? Do they know that birth is not something we rush? And if birth is slower than their expectations of "normal" do they know it's not a reason to assume birth is becoming dangerous? Can they trust the process and your decisions to trust your body safely?
And don't get me wrong, you truly do love your friends and family but everybody ain't built to see birth ket laine support the process. Picking the wrong support people can have a disastrous effect on your labor and possibly stalling it making it an even longer process.
Labor is a marathon not a sprint. And then partum me honey but....
You're tired.
Your partner is tired.
Everything is moist.
You're waiting on this "milk to come in" and the babee is eating every hour it seems.
Your uterus is contracting every time the babee latches,
You're bleeding,
You're learning feeding cues,
Keeping count of feeds and diapers.
OMG!!
You're wet!
Blood, sweat, tears and MILK!
You have a new bundle of joy that you are trying to learn, trying to get some sleep but those damn postpartum nurses keep coming in, it's a lot of people that keep coming in, then signing paperwork!!
This is not a joke honey. It's just a glimpse into the emotional rollercoaster that takes place with hospital births. I find with hospital births they tend to make everything very overwhelming and overstimulating to the babee and honeys IMMEDIATELY after birth.
A spiritual awakening in a such a chaotic moment.
Homebirths tend to have very limited amount of attendants. Many times it's me, the midwife, honey and her partner and a grandmother or two. That's all. Very simple. Very quiet. Everyone moves in sync with just the same amount of urgency but with joy, tenderness, grace towards the mother, respect for the birth process, the midwife, her skills, intuition and the immediate postpartum.
We read the room and act accordingly.
There is this look honeys have where they haven't fully returned to their bodies yet if that makes sense. It's a psychological transformation. When babee is placed skin to skin immediately after birth there is a hormonal surge too. Oxytocin, prolactin and endorphins are overtaking your body and facilitating physiological processes that incite natural instinctive reflexes in your babee that calms you and babee, begins bonding and encourages babees to latch and nurse. Other hormones are aiding in birthing the placenta which signals to your body the beginning of postpartum healing and the green light to release more milk because your babee is here and ready to feed. Remember honey, you have Colostrum, readily available breastmilk since 20 weeks gestation, to feed your babee's cherry sized tummy until your milk volume builds around day 3.
Colostrum is enough.
This initiation of healing and bonding occurs within the first 1-2 hours after birth called the Golden Hour. And usually we have left the families within 2 hours after a safe and healthy birth to return with scheduled visits within 24 hrs to 7 days. I offer support within the first 3-5 days after delivery and many families are not that pressed to call me with urgency because I truly believe they are given that time to process, relate, sleep and just BE. I tell my honeys
Rest for the first 24 hours. You and babee are both tired. Watch for feeding cues and latch as often as possible to transition to the next phase of milk. You're going to need rest, food and energy for day 2 of breastfeeding when babee begins to practice and feed more frequently and intensely.
Start planning for the immediate postpartum now too.
It maybe a few days before you feel like reaching out to anyone. The “Taking It All In” phase lasts for approximately 1-2 days. It's three new people meeting each other.
Screenshot that picture above and send it to small amount of people in a group chat. Then turn your phone off or allow your partner to answer the phone and focus on comfort measures and birthing your babee.
Birth is not a quick process especially for first time moms. It tends to be quicker with the more births you’ve had and you also make more milk too. Managing that alone takes time.
Birth is a mental process. Mind over matter. Your birthing space must be safe and filled with love and trust for your vision to come to fruition. No one should rush your beautiful transition.
Choose wisely who you tell. Choose wisely who you let in your head. Will they encourage you or incite fear? Consider building your birth team now. Hiring moutside help to guide you with a listening ear, non judgemental conversation and new parent education can help parents trust the process. Also if there is someone you want to be apart of the process consider having them attend prenatal visits and classes with you.
Trust the process.
Trust your circle.
You're learning how to be a Mama!
It’s your birth and you get to decide when folks find out and when they can come by. Start setting boundaries now.
You won’t regret it, honey!
And of course if you want to shout it, post it and share it --> DO YOU, honey!
Congratulations!
If you are in need of help planning out your birth vision and want to know the tools that will help prepare you mentally and physically from birth to breastfeeding, book a birth planning session with me.
Birth is temporary your postpartum is forever, honey! See the services we offer https://milkandhoneycoatl.com/services